aryanhwy | and we are a month!

A few weeks ago when I said I'd be amazed if I lasted a month nursing, it turns out I was rather overoptimistic.

We haven't successfully nursed in two weeks now. Any attempt results in screams and tears. Skin-to-skin contact is generally avoided for the same reason. She's never once actually rooted around and found her way to my breast, which is something they're supposed to be able to do from as soon as they're born.

Pumping has been mostly a disaster too. I should be doing it every 2 hours to try to keep up supply, and I simply can't. I've come to the conclusion that maybe I don't care about this as much as I thought I did. Choice between sleeping at night or pumping? I'll sleep. Choice between cuddling Gwen while she sleeps during the day and pumping? I'll cuddle. Choice between interacting with Gwen when she's awake or comforting her when she's crying or letting her sit in the basket (either awake and alert and happy, or crying) and pumping? I'll take holding Gwen any time. I got the pump with the intention that I would pump during the day on a regular basis after I went back to work and couldn't nurse while she was in day care. I never thought it'd end up being the only source of breastmilk for her and that it would encroach on my life so much, and I find I just can't do it. I pumped once yesterday. I've pumped once today. I've gotten maybe 2ml. It's not worth it.

It's still so frustrating. I feel like we never got a chance. There was no reason why this shouldn't have worked. I had great supply. She had no palate or tongue problems. It was just a matter of figuring out the mechanics, and somehow or other that never happened, and I don't know why. But at this point I don't know what to do about it any more, and the only advice I've really gotten was to pump regularly to bring my supply back up, and then we'll look into trying to get her back onto the breast. But I just don't see this happening.

*sigh* I wish I had a happy "one month birthday!" post, but I can't really find it in me at the moment.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You did your best to make it work. It doesn't work for every mother/baby and it's no one's fault. Some babies prefer the bottle over the breast - it's less work. Others prefer the flavor of formula. Who knows - they can't tell us.

You tried long past when most women would have given up. Very few women would have tried once they got a major sore on their breast or developed mastitis as it is so painful. But you tried to work through the pain because you cared for Gwen so much. But it hasn't worked out.

What you are doing right now it the best you can for Gwen. Eating shouldn't be a traumatic experience for her. It should be pleasurable. She should also enjoy the close contact with you. And if the two of you are constantly struggling over the breastfeeding thing, that may not be happening.

Don't look at this as a failure. Look at this as putting the needs of your daughter over the peer pressure of the collective "they" as "they" try to tell you how to be a good mother. You seem to be doing a damn fine job of it just as you are.

S

First, what Richenda said and second you are a great mother. I know it's completely crappy that this isn't working and you wanted to do it for all the right reasons but it isn't working.

Drop back and punt because, as Richenda and others have said, your time with your child should not be stressful.

There are far too many babies in the world who don't make it to their first month birthday ... or aren't healthy at their first month birthday ... or don't have parents who care one bit about them ...

Gwen does ... She's healthy, well loved and cared for by parents who want nothing but the best for her. Sounds like a pretty good first month birthday to me. ~hugs~ Sweetie, it gets better and 5 years from now she won't know or care if she nursed or was bottle fed ... she'll know whether she's loved and made to feel safe.

I know exactly where you're coming from here (for me it was labor, but whatever), and I know it won't help, but in case it does, I'll reiterate: frequent pumping without nursing in between reliably decreased my supply. So try not to feel like you could fix the supply if you could just suck it up (ha ha) and pump more, because having to pump in the first place could well be the problem on your end. I'm pretty well convinced that some of us are just not nature's exclusive pumpers and that's all there is to it.

Not that you've ever been one to need approval from your big sister, but looking at your list of choices it doesn't take much for me to think that you've made the right decision on each one. Nursing is fantastic in many ways, but it's not everything about being a mom, and you know what? even little ones who were nursed for a year plus can have issues. Yikes. Some days you (I??) WISH that good parenting was a simple as nursing. But it's a whole lot more complex than that, and you're already experienced enough to know!!

When I think about how much *I* want to cuddle that little Gwen (a foreign thing to me -- I'm not a "want to cuddle someone else's baby" kind of person!) I can't imagine you being able to choose anything else!

She *is* awfully cuddlable!

I wish I had a happy "one month birthday!" post
You do. You have a living, healthy, happy baby after 1 month of suffering.

Abandon breastfeeding. Abandon pumping. Enjoy your baby and motherhood.
Your exhaustion and misery come through in your tone. I feel for you. It's a horrible time. You have done what you can, for the best reasons. Continuing at this point would be for bad reasons, I feel. This looks like advice. I abhor advice. Do what you want to do :) but (advice!) don't get hung up on this issue. Move on.

Thinking of you, feeling for you.

and we are a month!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject