conflicting thoughts

[aryanhwy]

Yesterday I brought Gwen into nursery and was confronted with a poster on the door: "STARTING SCHOOL: Will your child be 5 on or between 1 September 2016 and 31 August 2017?"

First of all, how on earth are we at a stage where the answer to this is "yes"?!

Second of all, it's really confusing trying to navigate all the different flavors of schools you get in a country that you didn't grow up in. For example, what is the difference between a Voluntary-Aided school and a Voluntary-Controlled school? Thank goodness for FB and friends who are willing to tag friends with experience who will share lots of useful info.

There are three schools that Gwen is in the cachement area of (i.e., within a 1 mile radius), St. Oswald's, St. Margaret's, and the Cathedral Chorister school. The Chorister school is a fee-paying school (i.e., like a US private school). St. Oswald's is a Church-of-England-aided school while St. Margaret's is a C-of-E-controlled school. In principle, it seems like the difference is negligible.

St. Margaret's is 1/2 mile away from where we live, goes all the way up to age 11 (at which point she'd head to secondary school, almost certainly at Durham Johnston, which seems to be The One for bright young things planning to go to university), and is rated Outstanding by Ofsted, whereas St. Oswald's is further away, and only goes up to age 7, so then she'd have to transfer for a few years before secondary school, probably to St. Margaret's, so why not just start there from the beginning? I think there's very little reason to think we won't be putting St. M's down as our first choice when we fill out the application form, so today I spent some time reading about school policies, etc.

They, like many British schools, have a uniform but it's relatively relaxed:
* Navy blue, grey or black, trousers or skirt
* Navy blue, red or white polo shirt
* Red sweatshirt or cardigan
* Blue or red check dresses and navy blue, grey or black shorts may also be worn in summer.
In principle, I like the idea of a uniform. It makes it easier to get kids dressed and out the door in the morning, hoards of British school children in uniform are SO ADORABLE, and uniforms tend to mask some economic inequalities, in that you don't have children showing up in clearly significantly more expensive clothes than others. There is also provision where some clothing can be supplied by the school for those who need assistance.

On the other hand.

I LOVE watching Gwen choose her outfits. I love her outrageous skirts that she loves to perform in. I love it when she gets out her favorite yellow dress and tells me that today she is "Belle", and that if the ladies at nursery call her "Gwen" she'll correct them and tell them that she's Belle instead. I love that she is utterly unselfconscious about what she wears and I want to encourage that as long as I can.

The school has a policy that nail varnish is only allowed on party days. Gwen derives such pure, innnocent joy from having her nails done up, often coaxing me into doing mine to match. (The very first time we painted nails, she raced downstairs and asked, "Daddy, daddy, daddy! Do you want YOUR nails varnished TOO??" and she couldn't understand why he didn't.) I've got a feeling that Friday-afternoon-nail-polishing might end up becoming a thing.

Hair dye is also not allowed, except on party days -- which basically means, nothing permanent. Seeing as I am considering finally doing what I always said I'd do once I got a permanent job -- dye my hair purple -- I may end up in the position of having to explain that Mommy is allowed to wear colored hair to school but Gweni isn't. And while I can understand the no-jewelry policy (worry about injury or it getting lost, or the aforementioned ostentatious displays of economic disparity), I have a harder time seeing what the basis for refusing hair dye is OTHER than a policy of uniformity for uninformity's sake, and that weighs heavily on the other hand.

I'm delighting in the individual that Gwen is growing up to be, and I want to continue to nurture this. While I'm sure that something as minor as dressing like everyone else, eschewing nail varnish and hair dye, is unlikely to squash her individuality, I'm still not entirely sure I like it.

On the third hand, it's not like any of the other schools we are/would be considering are going to have substantially different policies. I guess this isn't a complaint against St. Margaret's in particular but rather a complaint against a world which privileges uniformity and may not always have space for an amazing person who intends to be a butterfly (a REAL butterfly, mommy) when she grows up.

[I try to tell her no one knows how to turn people into butterflies yet, so she should become a scientist instead, and learn how to turn people into butterflies and THEN she can be a butterfly, a real butterfly, yes, Gwen, when she grows up.]

Comments

[hrj.livejournal.com]

It does sound, though, as if "dressing up" could turn into a special ritual for non-school occasions. (I think I would have been delighted to go to a school with uniforms since it would have removed all the angst around not fitting in sartorially. But where/when I grew up only Catholic schools did uniforms.)

[aryanhwy.livejournal.com]

Whereas here, uniforms of some sort seem to be the default -- so it's not like I have much choice in the matter! The point about sartorially fitting in is the flip side of the coin, and for people whose non-traditional fashion is a point of angst for them, uniforms are definitely a good thing.

[tedeisenstein.livejournal.com]

OTHER than a policy of uniformity for uninformity's sake

Yessir, that policy does sound suspiciously uninformed.


(I do so like accidental typos that make sense.)

[aryanhwy.livejournal.com]

Sometimes my fingers are smarter than I am.

[ormsweird.livejournal.com]

Hair chalks. We like them, come in a variety of colours and wash easily out. Eve also has her own nail polish which just washes off in warm water too. Makes my life a lot easier!

We also chose a school which went all the way to 11 rather than one which at the time stopped at 7. Seemed sensible even if it was in the next village over because I couldn't mentally handle her going to a catholic school!

[aryanhwy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the things you used at the party in Feb. were pretty cool, and I am sure Gwen and I will get in to them!

[silme.livejournal.com]

There will be occasions when the students can pay a pound for the privilege of being out of uniform for a day. The money goes to charity. (And students who truly can't afford it are not left out.) I always loved those days when I taught secondary, as the students looked 'normal' to me. Other teachers thought that behaviour went downhill on non-uniform days, but I never noticed that in my classes. Maybe it all depends on your perspective.

On the other hand, many kids push the rules as far as possible. One thing I hated about teaching secondary was having to enforce uniform rules. I was grateful when they switched to polo shirts year round and I didn't have to tell kids to tuck in their shirts any longer. Heads of year kept make-up wipes to deal with over made-up girls. And those girls who insisted on wearing high heels were given black plimsoles to wear.

Now, I teach A levels at an FE College. Our students have just left various schools and are so thrilled to be out of uniform! If Gwen had handle it until she hits A levels, she'll have freedom again then. :) (And they do tend to dye their hair interesting colours when they hit sixth form. :)

[aryanhwy.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I love that idea for raising charity funds! If whatever school she's at doesn't have something like that, maybe I'll suggest it.

You mention plimsolls. They were also in the uniform list, for gym class. What are they??

(And I'm already wondering how far the code can be pressed. They say "red cardigan". Gwen has a red cardigan, with a few blue and yellow butterflies on it. She loves it. She'll probably outgrow it by next year, but if not, would this count as a red cardigan or not?)

[ormsweird.livejournal.com]

Plimsolls are basically the little black cheap shoes like Gwen was wearing at Raglan. They're worn for gym or sometimes a school has an indoor or outdoor shoe rule and they use those for that.

[aryanhwy.livejournal.com]

Excellent, thanks!

[silme.livejournal.com]

School plimsolls (sorry -- I made a typo before) are kind of like old-fashioned American tennis shoes -- but without laces: pull on canvas shoes with rubber soles. Traditionally, they're black.

This Wiki entry is good, although it also compares them to Chucks in the US. Nope. Plimsolls traditionally don't lace up and aren't as fancy as Chucks. Some newer school plimsolls don't have elastic and aren't pull-ons -- they have velcro, like the ones on the Clarke's link. (The latter was really long, so I made it into a tinyurl.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plimsoll_shoe
http://tinyurl.com/ooaruak

[torquetum.livejournal.com]

All schools here (South Africa) have uniforms (ok, there might be very few exceptions). Our girls' schools is not uptight, though, and most Fridays are "civvies" days where they pay R5 (ahem, 0.25 pounds) to wear non-uniform, but still some girls opt for the uniform.

The wealth gaps here are ghastly and uniforms help bridge that. The children compete on so many metrics, why add clothes to that?

re "real butterfly": A couple of years ago (my girls aged 4 and 6? 5 and 7? not sure), the elder wanted to be a veterinarian, the younger "a flying horse". Sounds good to me! (Currently vet and pop star, I think. I preferred flying horse)

[aryanhwy.livejournal.com]

We need to get yours and mine together again, I'm sure if they put their heads together they can figure out how to make the butterfly/flying horse dream!

[torquetum.livejournal.com]

argh, sorry, Torquetum = astrolabe_cat; academic versus social profiles. I forget which one I'm logged in as.

[kareina.livejournal.com]

I never experienced the "change out of school clothes and into play clothes" ritual that appears in so many of the books I read growing up, but it sounds like it could be a fun one for you and Gwen, and give you an excuse to talk about what is planned for the rest of the day so she can choose the "right" clothing for it...

[jf-scientist.livejournal.com]

My college students wear a uniform at PseudoMilitary U! But they did have more choice of college than one does of primary school. Also, it is in no way my job to enforce.

[(Anonymous)]

Interesting thoughts. I also prize my child's bizarre taste (while being aggravated by it, since she is extremely particular) as an index of her special her-ness. I imagine you will make your choice based on other factors entirely, but I think it's another one of those cases where parents have to trust to their children's amazingness to shine through regardless of the ways that institutions of various kinds constrain them. I have a feeling G will do just fine. --Bunny

[aryanhwy.livejournal.com]

I also have to keep reminding myself that this isn't like the US, where you have public schools w/o much of a uniform/dress code (at least for younger children) and private schools, where you do. Here, I think the only chance we'd have of finding a school w/o a pretty strict dress code is an independent "academy", and...well, they are not the places you go if you prize academics. So in the end, this will be the school life Gwen grows up with and she won't know anything different, and I am SURE we'll figure away to keep her individuality. I don't see any legislation regarding socks, or any constraint on painting toe nails. :)