perspective

[aryanhwy]

For the most part, I think I'm a pretty good mom. But I fully recognize there are places where I could be better, particularly with respect to that virtue that I have never been very good at cultivating, namely, patience. There are times when I feel like my interactions with Gwen are more exasperating than not, and while I know that that's because these are the ones that I notice because they're not the way I want them to be, sometimes it's good to be reminded what kind of parent Gwen sees me being, rather than the one I see me being.

Today was a really nice day out -- very nearly go outside without a coat on weather -- and I knew that, really, we should take advantage of it, but, even more really, I wasn't going to. Today was a day when I needed to hang out at home and not attempt to do much, especially since yesterday -- which started off very nice but which didn't quite live up to it's promise -- Gwen had her Academy lesson in the morning, then after lunch we tidied the house some and started the next batch of bresaola, and then she asked if we could go for a walk in the woods and I said yes. The plan had been to go to the woods and then the grocery store to pick up things to make party mix before supper, but after 45 minutes of stomping through muddy fields, playing hide & seek in glades empty of underbrush, and climbing fallen trees, just as we were heading back across the bridge, whom did we see at the other end coming towards the forest but one of her friends from nursery. D. and her family arrived in Durham in January, and just the other day Gwen and I arrived at nursery at the same time as D. and her dad, and after hearing me say something to Gwen, he asked, "Oh, are you from the US too?" He and his wife are both from Iowa, turns out. Anyway, it was D., her younger brother, both parents, and I figured, what the heck. Gwen and I headed back into the woods, Gwen leading D. down the paths (this time away from the muddy field) and then the two of them played hide and seek while her parents and I chatted. It was really lovely, Gwen loves having one-on-one opportunities to play with friends, and given that D.'s family clearly lives in the area, maybe we'll have to invite her over some weekend. But anyway...especially after having done that yesterday, my gumption for going out again today was low.

After breakfast I was on the couch with my computer catching up on some things, and Gwen was coloring me pictures and making me pretend food to eat (she did it yesterday, too, and let me tell you, hearing, in her perfect British accent, the words "You can't have any pudding..." come out of her mouth is a *weird* experience. I half expected her to finish it up with "if you don't eat your meat"). I read something on FB which made me smile, and she noticed, and she asked, in a half disbelieving tone, "Mommy, are you always happy?"

I sometimes feel I only really see myself frustrated and exasperated with her. But continually I am reminded that she only sees me happy.

Comments

[hrj.livejournal.com]

Aww. That almost had me sniffling.

[aryanhwy.livejournal.com]

Awwww!

[(Anonymous)]

You do seem dispositionally happy! And how wonderful that she only sees the happy. That's definitely not what MY kids see, they get aaaaaaall the flavors of mama... --Bunny

[aryanhwy.livejournal.com]

I never really thought of myself as dispositionally happy -- I'd peg myself as a realist rather than an optimist or a pessimist -- but I joke that after spending 4 years with Joel while he was working on a PhD, and with my supervisor while I was working on mine, that I became an optimist out of self-defense, because both of them can be SO PESSIMISTIC!