what I needed
May. 30th, 2016 07:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aryanhwyThis weekend was coronet tournament down at Buckden Towers. Of course I wanted to go to the event, at a wonderful site with so many couples I'd love to see on the throne entering (and I was going to get to herald to two of them!). On the other hand, I was, by the time we got en route on Friday, highly ambivalent about many things.
Back in March? April? I'd received an invitation to participate in a debate at a big music/philosophy festival held every year in Hay-on-Wye (noted for having the highest number of bookstores per capita), and I'd accepted enthusiastically, once I confirmed that it wouldn't conflict with my students' final exam. And then I checked the calendar again and had to rescind my acceptance because it was the weekend of coronet. I'd totally made the right decision, having already had agreed to serve as herald for the two couples, but I was disappointed.
May is the month of marking at Durham, what with 3rd-year dissertations arriving and needing to be marked within two weeks, followed up by final papers and final exams. Knowing this, I was pro-active, and planned my schedule very precisely, with the result that I ended up finishing my dissertations three days before the deadline and a week before my next assignments (final papers for my 2nd year class) were handed in (this Tuesday past). My plan was to mark them as quickly as possible because Friday morning was my 3rd year's final exams, and I wanted to be done before then. But Wednesday afternoon I hosted a four-hour review session for that exam, and even without that the only way I could get them done was by marking in the evening, so it was a lot of long days this week. And that review session...ended on a bit of a down note. Towards the end one of my best students balked at something I said, and we had a very spirited discussion for ten minutes or so (in the midst of me trying to answer everyone else's questions!) with the result that both of us felt like we were unable to make ourselves understood to the other. If we had had more time, I'm sure we could've come to a resolution (this isn't the first time we've butted heads about fundamental facts of logic. It's one of the things that makes him a great student, he questions everything, works out all the details, and refuses to give up until he understands 100%), but it was already the end of a long four hours and basically one day before the exam, and I think that everyone was already beginning to operate on nerves. But it was frustrating because I felt like I'd let him down in not being able to figure out what, precisely, his worry was so that I could articulate a good response to it. And then Thursday afternoon another student turned up in my office really worried about the next morning, and by the time Friday morning came around, I think I was nearly as nervous about the exam as them. This was the first time I'd ever taught this course, the first time anyone ever had taught a course like this at Durham, the first time I'd had to come up with an exam for a course like this, and with that came all the fears: Am I testing the right things? Have I been realistic about how much they can do in three hours? Have I adequately prepared them, through homeworks and seminars? Will it be appropriately discriminatory? This course had been such an amazing experience, and I really, really, really hoped (still hope!) that I had done well by them with the exam I made.
We got on the road before the exam ended, so I won't get their scripts until tomorrow (today being a holiday). Joel and I can never managed to be packed for an event more than half an hour before we go, which always results in shouting, and then I still had three more essays to mark on the train down, and even on the train I could feel the end-of-term-crud threatening to make its move. So I spent most of the trip down highly ambivalent about many things. I was tired, I was worn out, I was disappointed in myself, I was looking forward to feeding Gwen and putting her to bed, and probably putting myself to bed soon after.
But on the ride down, my module evaluations, for both courses, arrived. The evals for the 2nd year course mean less to me, because I'm not going to be on that module next year, but it was nice to see that the remarks were generally quite positive, and some students had specific and very nice things to say about me. But the 3rd year course...I really really really hoped that it was everything to them as it was to me. Even so, I was shocked. There's a number of quantitative questions, ranging from negative to positive, and the scores are aggregated for each question and for all the questions overall. My overall score for that course? 79% positive, 21% neutral, and ZERO% negative. They didn't have a single negative thing to say about the course (of course, evals are before the exam!). That was really heartening.
And then we arrived on site, and the weather was nice and friends were there, and I sat on a bench in the sun putting an insert into the sleeves of a hand-me-down so that Gwen could wear it the next day, meaning I got to say Hi to everyone as they came in, and there was good food, and then more friends, and then Gwen went to bed and I got out the lamb bresaola, and we sat with friends for court where very nice things happened, and people kept snitching more and more bits of the bresaola, and then I had a lovely conversation with one of the couples I was heralding for in the morning so that I went to bed inspired about what I wanted to say for both of them. I also had one other conversation in which a public wrong was righted privately, and more than adequately.
Saturday was all that I needed. I didn't do much, but I was surrounded by friends who were pretty much all doing what they love doing best, and that is a really happy environment to be in. It was gloriously warm and sunny, Gwen ran around barefoot playing with her friends, the tournament was really exciting to watch, and then there was good food (OMG that lasagna!), and more sitting around doing stuff with friends, and then court, where I cried when![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
badgersandjam was made a court baroness; I don't think I ever cried at any award I've received, but I cried at that, I am so proud of and happy for my twin. Then feast, in the overflow room because that's where the cool kids sit. We were so far below the salt, our salt was pepper. Madame nusbacher challenged the room to song and story, with the promise of payment of silver buttons. At my suggestion, Gwen stood on her chair and sang two verses of the rose rhyme, one in modern English and one in Middle English. As much as she enjoys singing, she can still be somewhat shy about performing, so I was so proud of her that she didn't mumble or sing too quickly, and afterwards she received her two buttons, which I will save to put on a hood or a cloak. I hope she always remembers her first "professional" performance.
I spent a lot of time thinking about what I love about being at the low table at Buckden Towers -- our third time there. My first thought was that it was because it was an "in persona" table, except it isn't really. And yet, it is very much a performance table: It's one great big improv theatre. One acts differently because one is acting, acting in such a way as to create laughter or to play a role. It's a battle of wits, and it is so much fun. There's about 30 people in the room, and that's about the right number; everyone has a chance to talk and play in the game. With too many more, then there's simply too much going on, the room fragments into smaller groups and there is nothing universal, except by interrupting everyone.
Afterwards I sliced up the other half of my bresaola and wandered between the two feast halls making friends. It was really gratifying how much people seemed to love it, and I've promised enough to other people that I think I need to start four new batches next weekend in order to have enough ready by early August. And then it was wandering through the warm dark drifting from conversation to conversation until heading off to bed.
So what did I do this weekend? Really, not much. I announced two couples into the tournament and also heralded some of the bouts. That's pretty much it. But I did it in the sunlight and in the company of friends who were doing exactly what they wanted to be doing, and it was amazing, and exactly what I needed. And judging from the number of people who said "better now that I'm here" when asked "How are you?", I wasn't the only one who needed it.
Back in March? April? I'd received an invitation to participate in a debate at a big music/philosophy festival held every year in Hay-on-Wye (noted for having the highest number of bookstores per capita), and I'd accepted enthusiastically, once I confirmed that it wouldn't conflict with my students' final exam. And then I checked the calendar again and had to rescind my acceptance because it was the weekend of coronet. I'd totally made the right decision, having already had agreed to serve as herald for the two couples, but I was disappointed.
May is the month of marking at Durham, what with 3rd-year dissertations arriving and needing to be marked within two weeks, followed up by final papers and final exams. Knowing this, I was pro-active, and planned my schedule very precisely, with the result that I ended up finishing my dissertations three days before the deadline and a week before my next assignments (final papers for my 2nd year class) were handed in (this Tuesday past). My plan was to mark them as quickly as possible because Friday morning was my 3rd year's final exams, and I wanted to be done before then. But Wednesday afternoon I hosted a four-hour review session for that exam, and even without that the only way I could get them done was by marking in the evening, so it was a lot of long days this week. And that review session...ended on a bit of a down note. Towards the end one of my best students balked at something I said, and we had a very spirited discussion for ten minutes or so (in the midst of me trying to answer everyone else's questions!) with the result that both of us felt like we were unable to make ourselves understood to the other. If we had had more time, I'm sure we could've come to a resolution (this isn't the first time we've butted heads about fundamental facts of logic. It's one of the things that makes him a great student, he questions everything, works out all the details, and refuses to give up until he understands 100%), but it was already the end of a long four hours and basically one day before the exam, and I think that everyone was already beginning to operate on nerves. But it was frustrating because I felt like I'd let him down in not being able to figure out what, precisely, his worry was so that I could articulate a good response to it. And then Thursday afternoon another student turned up in my office really worried about the next morning, and by the time Friday morning came around, I think I was nearly as nervous about the exam as them. This was the first time I'd ever taught this course, the first time anyone ever had taught a course like this at Durham, the first time I'd had to come up with an exam for a course like this, and with that came all the fears: Am I testing the right things? Have I been realistic about how much they can do in three hours? Have I adequately prepared them, through homeworks and seminars? Will it be appropriately discriminatory? This course had been such an amazing experience, and I really, really, really hoped (still hope!) that I had done well by them with the exam I made.
We got on the road before the exam ended, so I won't get their scripts until tomorrow (today being a holiday). Joel and I can never managed to be packed for an event more than half an hour before we go, which always results in shouting, and then I still had three more essays to mark on the train down, and even on the train I could feel the end-of-term-crud threatening to make its move. So I spent most of the trip down highly ambivalent about many things. I was tired, I was worn out, I was disappointed in myself, I was looking forward to feeding Gwen and putting her to bed, and probably putting myself to bed soon after.
But on the ride down, my module evaluations, for both courses, arrived. The evals for the 2nd year course mean less to me, because I'm not going to be on that module next year, but it was nice to see that the remarks were generally quite positive, and some students had specific and very nice things to say about me. But the 3rd year course...I really really really hoped that it was everything to them as it was to me. Even so, I was shocked. There's a number of quantitative questions, ranging from negative to positive, and the scores are aggregated for each question and for all the questions overall. My overall score for that course? 79% positive, 21% neutral, and ZERO% negative. They didn't have a single negative thing to say about the course (of course, evals are before the exam!). That was really heartening.
And then we arrived on site, and the weather was nice and friends were there, and I sat on a bench in the sun putting an insert into the sleeves of a hand-me-down so that Gwen could wear it the next day, meaning I got to say Hi to everyone as they came in, and there was good food, and then more friends, and then Gwen went to bed and I got out the lamb bresaola, and we sat with friends for court where very nice things happened, and people kept snitching more and more bits of the bresaola, and then I had a lovely conversation with one of the couples I was heralding for in the morning so that I went to bed inspired about what I wanted to say for both of them. I also had one other conversation in which a public wrong was righted privately, and more than adequately.
Saturday was all that I needed. I didn't do much, but I was surrounded by friends who were pretty much all doing what they love doing best, and that is a really happy environment to be in. It was gloriously warm and sunny, Gwen ran around barefoot playing with her friends, the tournament was really exciting to watch, and then there was good food (OMG that lasagna!), and more sitting around doing stuff with friends, and then court, where I cried when
badgersandjam was made a court baroness; I don't think I ever cried at any award I've received, but I cried at that, I am so proud of and happy for my twin. Then feast, in the overflow room because that's where the cool kids sit. We were so far below the salt, our salt was pepper. Madame nusbacher challenged the room to song and story, with the promise of payment of silver buttons. At my suggestion, Gwen stood on her chair and sang two verses of the rose rhyme, one in modern English and one in Middle English. As much as she enjoys singing, she can still be somewhat shy about performing, so I was so proud of her that she didn't mumble or sing too quickly, and afterwards she received her two buttons, which I will save to put on a hood or a cloak. I hope she always remembers her first "professional" performance.I spent a lot of time thinking about what I love about being at the low table at Buckden Towers -- our third time there. My first thought was that it was because it was an "in persona" table, except it isn't really. And yet, it is very much a performance table: It's one great big improv theatre. One acts differently because one is acting, acting in such a way as to create laughter or to play a role. It's a battle of wits, and it is so much fun. There's about 30 people in the room, and that's about the right number; everyone has a chance to talk and play in the game. With too many more, then there's simply too much going on, the room fragments into smaller groups and there is nothing universal, except by interrupting everyone.
Afterwards I sliced up the other half of my bresaola and wandered between the two feast halls making friends. It was really gratifying how much people seemed to love it, and I've promised enough to other people that I think I need to start four new batches next weekend in order to have enough ready by early August. And then it was wandering through the warm dark drifting from conversation to conversation until heading off to bed.
So what did I do this weekend? Really, not much. I announced two couples into the tournament and also heralded some of the bouts. That's pretty much it. But I did it in the sunlight and in the company of friends who were doing exactly what they wanted to be doing, and it was amazing, and exactly what I needed. And judging from the number of people who said "better now that I'm here" when asked "How are you?", I wasn't the only one who needed it.
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no subject
Date: 2016-05-30 07:03 pm (UTC)This makes me very happy.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-30 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-30 08:07 pm (UTC)I emailed about your bed linnen question ;-)
Valery
no subject
Date: 2016-05-31 07:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-01 10:31 am (UTC)